Of Green and Glass: Make (Martial) Arts, not War

Dear Goewin,

            I’ve been on the Wiccan path for quite a few years now, and recently started attending Tae Kwon Do classes with my kids.  It’s fun for us, and I like being able to do something with them, instead of dropping them off somewhere.  How do I reconcile my enjoyment of martial arts with what I have been taught about the Rede and rules governing “harm none”?
                                                                                                            -Martial, not Mean

Dear Martial,

            Doing things with your kids is not wrong.  Enjoying activities that get them out of the house, away from TV and video games is not wrong.  While we’re at it, protecting yourself is not wrong!  

What is wrong is the people in the world that think it’s  okay to get what they want in the world by taking it from other people.  Every day I see it.  Even in this “small town”.  On the news each night, I see people kicking in doors on other people’s homes, to steal and do whatever they like to get whatever they like.  

That does not mean that you are somehow a “bad” person for wanting to protect you and yours!  The Rede may say “Harm None” but allowing someone to come into your home to hurt you, or your family, steal from you and abuse you and then to walk away unscathed?  That’s harm.  That person is going to go do it to someone else, and then their harm is on you as well because you allowed this person to continue harming others.  Let's not forget, there are plenty of Wiccans who don't even follow the Rede, but that's a topic for another day.

Does this make you a “mean” person?  No.  You are not going around kicking puppies, right?  Then to Tartarus with them.  Does this mean that you are looking to get into a fight “just so you can use what you know”?  Absolutely not.  I’m sure that by now you have gotten that from your instructor. The aim of martial arts is not to start fights, but to be able to avoid them. 

            

            I’m sure you have no moral objection to carrying an umbrella in case of rain, am I right?  I look at martial arts in the same way. What you learn in the dojo and its real world application is a tool.  You have it in case you need it, not so you can use it every day.  I feel the same way about responsible gun ownership, but that’s a different topic.  

The bottom line here is, don’t ever let anyone tell you that it is not okay to protect your family in the way you see fit, as long as it is responsible and legally protected.  They don’t have to live your life, or protect your family, that’s your job.  If it feels right to you, go for it. If it bothers them that much, they don’t need to be your friend. 

Int'l Pagan Coming Out Day Part 2: A Price above Rubies

     I intended for this to go live last night.  Instead, I spent my evening counseling a student with a crisis, and then meeting a friend for dinner.  We were meeting discussing her non-profit women’s group she’s launching and wants help with. During part of my evening my Superego was screaming, “International Pagan Coming Out Day is rapidly coming to an end! Cut this short and go WRITE!” and sometime during my evening the Ego said, “Look. This is Important. Your history took almost 22 years to write. Don’t limit your experience to one day.” So here we are, part two.

     With my friends, I’ve been out of the broom closet since I talked to my parents in 1995. At one point, I’m sure people in space knew. Not because I introduced myself, “Hi, my name is Amy and I’m a WITCH!” As silly as it sounds, I’ve met those people too. It’s called immersion. You have a spiritual or identity change and you feel the need to spend more time with those people that identify similarly, because they understand. Most people deal with it for a little while and then happily, move on to a more subdued attitude.

      However, I was attending school in a county where a particularly violent hate group preached in broad daylight on the street corners on Sunday. Being out of the broom closet (OOTBC) was something that was a scary option at first. So, at school, other than some close friends, I was ITBC.

     Back in those days I wore a simple, beautiful crescent moon pendant with a tiny star (not pentacle) on the tip of the moon. One day a girl I believed was a buddy (not friend exactly) of mine asked whether my moon made me Muslim. I gave her a simple explanation about nature, staying away from buzz words like Witchcraft, Wicca, Witches or magic. It turns out this ‘friend’ was holding a grudge that her ex-boyfriend left her, and a month later asked me out and she spread my note (Yes, back in the stone ages before texting.) like wild fire. It came back to me scribbled with horrible things written in the handwriting of most of my grade. One of the ‘popular’ boys went so far as to corner me and threatened to kill me. The Witches Voice had recently featured a sad tale of a 14 year old girl who was beaten to death by members of her high school football team because her school mates found out she was a Witch.

      I brought it home that day, and went next door to my best friend’s house to cry. My 16 year old self was convinced that life was over. He came up with a most inventive and highly cathartic way of destroying the letter and the feelings that I had about those people. It was beautiful and empowering. (Just one of the many reasons my then best friend, is now my husband of 8 years as of May 1.) Even with dealing with feelings of betrayal, loss, and more, someone important in my life helped me see that, though it was an awful day, there can be beauty in all of life’s shitty days.

      It’s important to me to remember the hard days of being Pagan, because honestly, if it were easy, anyone would do it. I’ve had millions of moments of beauty that being Pagan and out of the Broom Closet has brought me. The cruddy moments I can count on one hand and still have fingers left over.

      During Blessed Be and Meet Me in DC in 2001, a particularly moving ritual by Elspeth and Nybor was interrupted by Rugby players from the next field over. The park police that we had informed of our event showed up and the 2 players and 1 coach were escorted from our Space and no harm came to our people. It gave the participants the organizers hope that we could be treated just like anyone else by authority figures.

     In late 2004 I created the Newark (DE) Pagan Meetup (which is still going strong, though I stepped down years ago, and is still being held by original members) and its ranks swelled to 200+. We had a setting on the website to prevent anyone under 18 from joining for liability reasons. If any of the moderators got emails from persons under 18, they were encouraged to discuss it with their parents and their parents could join, and attend meetings with their children for propriety and safety of the minor. A few years after the meetup was established one such request came through. The pre-arranged response was given. The next thing I know, my meetup linked email is filled with email. Screaming, hate filled threats dripped from my inbox. Threats to picket the business where the meetup was held were popular, but also included threats to burn down my house, kill my pets and my family.

     While the hullabaloo lasted a week or less, and never amounted to any actual harm, it was a stressful week. It never made me regret being a public face and doing public outreach for other Pagans. I was glad that I always used my Magickal last name, but it didn’t dissuade me, or make me crawl back into the broom closet or to stop meeting with those of a like mind.

      Just like anything else we do of import, it’s not always easy. It should be. It really should be. It should be easy to just be who you are, no matter your faith. To me, that feeling that my faith is something that has stayed with me almost 22 years, though ridicule, threats, and a near death experience is worth its emotional weight in rubies.

Aphrodite: Lust or Bust

Aphrodite: Lust or Bust, She’s not who you think she is.
The down and dirty on the Greek Goddess of Love

Aphrodite, like many people, isn’t what She appears to be. She has been portrayed as everyone from a ditzy surfer girl, (Thanks to Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert) to an absentee mother in Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter Series; the popular opinion of this member of the Olympian twelve isn’t a deep one. Her parentage may be up for debate, but she’s much stronger than Western culture give her credit for.

Her image has been used in popular media to sell everything from pop music to insane shoes and tasty fruit juice.

These casual mentions of her name border on blasphemy when you consider her original Powers. Love is just the tip of the iceberg, beauty, the arts and sexuality as a whole, (after all, her extra-marital dalliance with Hermes gave life to a child showing both sides of their parentage, Hermaphroditus the first Hermaphrodite.) are among her attributes. Make no mistake though, if people are made in the image of the Gods, it stands to reason that Gods can have flaws as well.

In the case of Aphrodite, the flaw is twofold. First our changing language and understanding of words makes it hard to understand where the definition of LOVE is coming from. The Greeks have MANY words for different types of love. Agápe is unconditional love, and not usually something people associate with Aphrodite. Philia is the familial or friendly love, and where Philadelphia gets its name and “brotherly love” moniker. Secondly, face it, Aphrodite was chosen as “Fairest of them all” and no bee attends to only one flower.

Aphrodite is the goddess of love more in the physical sense, of lust. Erotic love, is the domain of Eros, but for the hot and heavy “wam, bam, thank you Ma’am” Aphrodite is your goddess.

It isn’t uncommon to attend a Pagan gathering and hear someone lamenting their love life. “Suzy” just can’t understand why she can’t find the right guy. After all, she’s been praying and lighting incense to Aphrodite for months. All Suzy can find are hot, sexy, bikers with no mailing address and a convenient memory lapse in the morning. When will she ever meet a nice boy to settle down with? Never, if it’s only Aphrodite you’re going to Offer to.

Aphrodite was described by a Hellenic Priestess I know (we’ll call her Agrotera) as “all the bad decisions that women can make with their bodies”. Rather than lumping her in with the hearts and flowers Hallmark set, think of her as the girlfriend who wants you to find a good lay before settling down. Her idea of a good time will physically make you happy, but devotionals to Her aren’t going to find you a safe, stable, faithful relationship. After all, She wasn’t faithful to Hephaestus in the least.

This isn’t to say I don’t work with her. I do, but I’m not asking her to find me Mr. Right. I’ve already found him. That’s not to say offerings of Apples, Honey (and honey wine), flowers and perfumes don’t decorate her altar. I’m just honoring Her (and the divine lover within myself), by asking for the occasional lustful boost in my life.

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Theoi


References:

* Buxton, Richard. The Complete World of Greek Mythology. Thames & Hudson, 2004. ISBN 978-0500251218
* Burkert, Walter. Greek Religion (John Raffan, trans.). Oxford: Blackwell Press, 1985. ISBN 0631112413
* Jones, W.S. (trans.) Pausianas: Descriptions of Greece. London, 1931.
* Pfister, Friedrich. Greek Gods and Heroes (Mervyn Savill, trans.). London: MacGibbon & Kee, 1961.
* Rose, H. J. A Handbook of Greek Mythology. Routledge, 1990. ISBN 978-0415046015
* Rosenzweig, R. Worshipping Aphrodite: Art and Cult in Classical Athens. Ann Arbor: The University of Michigan Press, 2004. ISBN 0-472-11332-1


*Don’t mistake my mention of these amazing people and their work as criticism! I adore both “Xena” and the Dark Hunters. Public Pagans and appreciative mundanes are always welcome. Even if their work isn’t intended to be a scholarly examination on their persona, having attention directed toward them will help point people in the right direction.