Your yoke or mine? Faith in Marriage

Unevenly Yoked? 

     2 Corinthians 6:14: "Do not be unevenly yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and lawlessness have in common? What fellowship has light with darkness?"

     During the Samhain interview frenzy I was contacted by HuffPostLive to do a segment on Paganism you can view it here. At one point the moderator asked the participants about any domestic partners we might have, and whether we shared the same faith.  Obviously since we had five experiences and only one hour, each point of view didn't get discussed.  I'd like to do that now.

     Let me start by saying my husband and I have been together for twelve years.  We we best friends for six years before we started dating.  My husband was the first person I discussed my faith with in real life.  

     The friends I made while learning, growing and exploring my faith were mostly online.  I was living in a very small town and didn't expect much understanding.  When I was yanked out of the broom closet a few years later, my high school classmates didn't disappoint.  I received hateful notes dropped on my desk and death threats to my face. 

     Let's back track.  For those of you without the ability or time to watch the above, I'll tell you, I started studying my first books on Wicca, Witchcraft and Paganism at the age of 11.  At the time I wasn't looking for a 'new' faith.  I wan't on the market.  My parents had issues with alcoholism and my sisters and I were shipped off to Sunday School so my parents could sleep off their respective hangovers.  

     I was in third grade when I got reprimanded by the Sunday School teacher because I asked her, "If God is so loving and forgiving, why must all women suffer monthly because of the mistake of Eve?" I couldn't explain it to you at the time, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

     So eleven year old me is also a curious girl sharing a room with a "Too cool for you" 14 year old sister.  So I wanted what I imagined most girls at that age want, to be 'cool' and accepted by my sister and her worldly friends. So what do curious girls do?  I went through her backpack and found a copy of this.  

      Several years later I was still at it.  Reading anything and everything I could get my little hands on.  Some of it sucked, but at least it showed me what I wasn't looking for in a book.

     Somewhere along the way I borrowed a book from my mom.  We're both voracious readers.  That novel was called, "Cat Magic" and it changed my life.  It sounds somewhat trite to say it now, but it really did.  It wasn't even the story so much as the intro.  The author(s) didn't want to do a manual on Wicca.  But they did want enough detail to sound believable.  The authors wrote to Circle Sanctuary and asked for more info.  

     It got enough right that I gave the book to M.  He read it and loved the story as much as I did.  I used that shared kinship over the book as an opener to discussing Wicca as a topic.  So even though he doesn't share my faith, he's always been respectful of it.  

     If you ask my husband what his faith is, he'll answer, "Buddhist".  His family is all Christian even if only a few feel the need to attend a church.  

     As a minister who regularly performs weddings, I'm often asked about non-denominational ceremonies because of blended marriages or the faith of the family being different from that of the bride and groom.  During one such pre-wedding counseling session the above scripture was mentioned to me as a point of contention in the In-laws-to-be.  

    It's a pretty hurtful scripture in my mind.  The idea that faith should yoke anyone chafed me to no end, even if only as a metaphor.  The idea that any faith would me more or less of a yoke to unbalance the scales even more so.  Faith shouldn't be a cosmic one-ups-manship. I feel it is attitudes like this that cause contention in blended marriages, rather than the differences in faith.  If a couple is committed to each other, a great deal of things can be worked out.  The idea that any one faith, or even a denomination in a faith (which is often the case) is better than any other is not only harmful to marriages, but to relationships of all flavors.  

     If you don't share faith with your spouse, that's fine.  Paganism doesn't demand your marriage.  The Gods want you to be happy and to prosper because that leads to more worship of Them and a stronger bond.  Many people go through a time in their lives where they feel that the Gods want to see them suffer.  Though it feels dark, that light is what helps you find your way.  It's easier to see that one light in the night, than the day.  

     The light of your marriage should be built on mutual respect.  This is why I don't understand the people who have said they hide their practice from their spouse.  If this is something you feel you need to hide, something needs to change. 

     Faith should build you up, make you feel like you can accomplish anything.  It shouldn't feel as though you're tasked to slog though the mud, as a beast of burden.  No matter your faith, or unfaith, the point of choosing a partner in this life isn't 'because you're supposed to'.  It's to find someone that is willing to shield your back as you shield theirs, to shelter each other with your love.  Respect is a large part of that.  If your partner or spouse truly respects and cherishes, it won't matter what your faith is.

You'll be there for each other.