Of Green and Glass: Funeral wishes and last requests

While going through materials I've written for a book, I thought I'd share some of my 

'Of Green and Glass'  columns I wrote for "Thorn Magazine".

Dear Goewin,

            My family has recently suffered a death in the family.   While it was difficult to process at first, this is not the reason I’m writing to you.  During this mourning process, and funeral I started to wonder about how my funeral would be handled by my loved ones.  If I am not married to a Pagan, or my family does not share my beliefs, how can I explain the funeral customs I would like to partake in? Should I just leave instructions?  What basis do current society’s rituals have in common with earlier pagan rites?  What does a “Pagan Funeral” consist of? 

-Planning Ahead

Dear Planning Ahead,

            I’m sorry to hear of your loss, and hope by the time you read this, the grief will have dulled some.

            Let me start by saying that writing your wishes down only helps if you explain them to the person or people you are going to ask to carry out those wishes once you have crossed to the Other Side.    

            There are many funeral customs that have their roots in superstitions surrounding death and dying.  For instance flowers were placed at the graveside to appease the spirit of the deceased, and special clothing was worn by mourners to disguise their identities from returning spirits.   The loud and rowdy parties referred to as a “wake” were just that, the townspeople and family were trying to see if the person was indeed deceased, or just sleeping.  Twenty one gun salutes started in an earlier form where tribes believed that evil spirits hovered near the dead and the grieving, so they would hurl spears into the sky to drive off the spirits.

            When it comes to Pagan funerals, it’s just like many other things in the realm of Paganism, in that it’s up to individual Traditions and practices.  I polled about sixty Pagans in order to find out what they wanted done after they die.  The two most popular responses I got were, “Bury me without chemicals in the most natural way possible, and plant my favorite tree over my grave,” and “Cremate me, scatter my ashes in a beautiful, meaningful spot and have a party without tears”.   I only got one response of “bury me in the way of my parent faith”.  I did however get a few, “I’m not there anymore so it won’t matter to me” answers. 

            When it comes down to it?  The thing that is important is that you know your wishes will be taken care of by someone you trust.  Whether that person is a spouse / family member or a friend / coven mate that is up to you.  Just try to be as clear as possible, and it’ll all work out.