The Broom Closet In and Out and Back In Again?

IPCOD Pt 3:

In and Out and Back In Again—a Career in Law Enforcement

For those of you who have been with me since the first of the series you’ll remember this:

Two years ago, I made the decision to go back to school. My goal: to kick ass and take names in school such that the FBI will welcome me with open arms when I graduate with Honors. I’m doing very well on that end, if I do say so myself. But let’s face it, you didn’t stop by to listen to me toot my own horn, did you?

I discussed it with a friend when I made the choice. She’s been working with Law Enforcement Officers of all stripes (Pun intended) for all of her adult life. She warned me that LEOs were a conservative lot. I assured her that I knew because I come from a LEO extended family. The words ‘Conservative’ and ‘Liberal’ both give me hives, but that’s a topic for another day. We’re talking about being out of the broom closet.

As I got closer and closer to the first week of school I got more and more nervous. My inner monologue was replaying the above conversation and worrying about how my faith might affect my career advancement. It’s pretty sad that I felt I had to agonize over it this much, but I try to be honest with myself about such things.

So when school rolled around I decided it was a non-issue. I don’t introduce myself to people as “I’m Amy and I’m Pagan.” So why should it be an issue. I wear my pentacle every day, just like I always have. It’s not really that noticeable, I’m told. The chain also carries a single cabochon in a plain setting. This blue stone looks somewhat unremarkable to the uninitiated (pun completely intended!). This blend of Dolomite, Rhyolite and Slate is found in one place in the world, and my necklace is the same stone that Stonehenge is built from. As they hang from the same chain, the blue stone usually covers the pentacle to some degree.

Two good friends from school wound up earning my trust to the point where I answered questions about my faith with them, but I don’t advertise. I stopped putting my magnetic bumper stickers with witchy slogans on them. (Honestly, part of that was school, and part of that was a crazy person trying to run me off the road while screaming obscenities.)

Now at my job I still wear my necklace daily, but as it’s under a security uniform, no one knows it is there, at least until last week. One of the relief guys noticed the chain for the first time since I started working here almost a year ago. When he asked what was on it, I merely pulled the Stonehenge piece out of my shirt and left the pentacle hanging inside my shirt, because honestly, he hasn’t earned it. My coworkers know I’m a minister, because my last partner was president of the Jesus wagon. So we had great discussions about religion and when asked I state I’m ‘non-denominational’.

For a time I worried that this meant I was denying who I was. I had flashbacks to Sunday school in the second grade when they were telling us about Peter denying God three times in the Book of John. I wondered if I was doing a disservice to my community by not shouting my faith to the rooftops. Then I had a deep breath and got over myself. /grin

I still have a runic license plate frame that reads, “If you can read this, you’re my kind of Witch” but it’s almost an in-joke. I can display my faith to those who would understand it, and those that don’t, have no bearing on the subject anyway.

So instead of panicking that I’ve somehow put myself back in the closet, I’ve stopped worrying about it. My family and friends all know. Anyone I’m friends with on (my personal) Facebook knows. It’s okay to consider yourself when discussing your faith with others. I’m not ashamed. I still do my outreach work and occasionally have my photo out there. For pity’s sake, I appeared on TLC and the AP News Wire in ritual. It’s just that I don’t feel I need a flag to wave anymore. I’m more secure than that. And honestly, me being secure in who I am will land me my dream job, or the job I’m meant to have, more than any flag waving in my faith. I’m happy with that.

Blessed Be.